


turning out pt. i

by mxilkshake



Series: Turning Out [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Dialogue Light, Fluff, Haikus, I'm throwing my headcannons in your face, Implied confession, Inarizaki, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Dysfunctional Family, Osamu is Suna's home and Suna is Osamu's, Osamu likes maths, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Study, Sharing a Bed, Slice of Life, Slightly based on a song, Suna is a literature nerd, Timeline What Timeline, most of this are just thoughts and reflections., that is, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29514474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxilkshake/pseuds/mxilkshake
Summary: moments in the development of their relationship, pt ithe beginningor, where haikus are written,they sleep togetherand learn about true love
Relationships: Miya Osamu & Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Series: Turning Out [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169642
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	turning out pt. i

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy the reading !

𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮  
𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰  
𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨

；

When he opens his eyes, it takes him a few seconds to get his place in space and time. The bed looks familiar, but it is clearly not his bed. The sun hits his eyes as he looks forward, causing him to close them again. Great, a window. He opens his eyes again, squinting this time, he's learned his lesson. From the position of the sun, it must be early.  


His eyes, now open and accustomed to the light, move around the room he's woken up in.  
It is rare for him to wake up so early. Suna is not a morning person. In fact, he spends so much time sleeping during the day that when night falls, he finds it difficult to fall asleep. As a result, he ends up staying up late, which means that the next morning he wakes up late and sleepy, which makes him sleep during the day. It's a vicious cycle.  


As his thoughts and head clear (although it will take him another hour to become a functioning human being), he starts to become aware of his body, and has to restrain himself and call on all his self-control not to flinch.  
He is curled up, legs bent, head resting on a pillow that is not his own but he knows perfectly well. A large, calloused hand rests on his waist, and despite his initial surprise, he doesn't find it strange. It's almost as if that hand belongs there, on the curve of his hip. It fits perfectly, and the warmth it exudes warms Suna's (always cold) body. It is nice-

This is not the first time Osamu's hand has found that position on his body, far from it. He could tell of each and every time he has stumbled, and that hand (or both) has saved him from falling to the ground, always catching him in the same place. Countless are also the number of times that hand(s) have caressed his hip, in an attempt to relax or relieve his anxiety ( he wouldn't know what to do if Osamu found out that it really helps to calm him down, but in return he gets tachycardia due to the closeness between the two, and well, both anxiety and tachycardia are equally bad). Osamu's hands have a place in his body, so really, waking up like this doesn't feel strange to him.  


But it is intimate. It's the first time he feels that touch on his hip as something intimate. He guess that lying in bed early in the morning, having slept in that position (who knows how long they've been like that), doesn't change anything and at the same time changes everything.  


Suna breathes. He inhales and exhales, trying to normalise his heart rate. It's not the first time he's stayed the night at the twins' house. It's not the first time he and Osamu have shared a bed. It's not the first time a clump of messy grey hair (which he can't see right now because of the position they're in, but he can feel resting on the pillow) is the first thing he feels when he wakes up. But this is the first time Suna and Osamu have woken up in each other's arms.  


The other hand is on his head, right at the top. Rin doesn't question the hand on his hip from the beginning, so he' s not going to question this either. He bets that if they were both awake, Osamu would touch his hair and ask if he's going to cut it soon (that's what he always does). Suna would then say no, that he' s too lazy to do it, while trying hard not to purr because, damn, having your head scratched affectionately and your hair stroked is really nice (and it's an intimate contact that he's used to).  
If he continues to keep his hair long, he could get it pulled back after the spring championships...  


Osamu's body, to which he's practically glued (their legs are entangled, he's just realised), sends bursts of warmth to his, and that comforting feeling that he's just where he should be, starting in his stomach and quickly taking over his whole body. It's nice, very nice. Maybe too nice.  
The sun has barely moved since he looked out the window a few minutes ago. Wow, it's been minutes and it's almost felt like seconds.  
It's still early.  


He closes his eyes again, thinking about getting some more sleep. He's definitely not going to be the one to break the delicate balance he's in right now with his best friend.

His breathing unconsciously tries to adjust to Osamu's.  


Really, he wouldn't mind if this waking up together stopped being weird. But he has no right to think that, because they're both sophomores and have no idea what they're going to do with their lives. But in this moment, at this precise moment when the sun's rays caress their closed eyes and outline the contours of two people (un)consciously embracing, everything is extremely simple.  


He does not think about what will happen when Osamu wakes up and discovers how they have slept together. Nor how much rest time he has left. Nor even about how, little by little, the sensation of being awake fades away. The last thing his brain registers in a sensation akin to blocking a difficult and demanding opponent, akin to study parties where more glances are exchanged than useful data, akin to evenings of doing nothing but being together. He manages to think that everyone has a way of calling what provokes that pleasant warmth. Though he doesn't know if he's able to distinguish affection from feeling at home. And Rin is once again unaware of things.

；

Osamu opens his eyes and the darkness greets him almost warmly, so much so that he feels the urge to close them again. He does. The sun hasn't risen, and he could theorise that it's three in the morning.  
He opens his eyes again, and as he gets used to the absence of light, he outlines the outline of the part of his room that he is able to see. The window is behind him, at his back. So he takes a look at his wardrobe. When he begins to distinguish the piles of messy clothes through the half-open door, he judges that he is now able to think clearly.  


Wrong. If he were thinking clearly (or thinking in general) he would not have turned over in bed, yawning. His body freezes and the breath, which never leaves his throat, escapes with the next breath, heavier, more nervous and conscious than the one just a second ago.  
His eyes have already become accustomed to the gloom, and his pupils dilate twice as much as they did when he looks at the sleeping figure standing just inches from him.

With a simple movement, he could place his hand on the other's head, gently stroking the other's scalp. It would not be unusual between them, in fact, it would be more than normal. But the mere thought of doing it in his bed, in the dark and with his best friend in a dreamlike state, makes his head stop working for a few seconds. It would be so different from what they do on a regular basis, but at the same time so similar. Would he even have the right to do it?  


Suna sleeping is something he would like to see every day of his life. It is the kind of decision that will be immovable from the moment he makes it (i.e. right now) and will accompany him every day of his life. Osamu decides at the age of 16 (almost 17) , and wishes that time would allow it, as a special favour, since he never really asks for much, and at this moment (and although he is young, he imagines forever) it is the only thing he wants.  


Rin stirs in his sleep, and as if on a spring, his hand goes to his hip. It's (another) normal gesture between them, but Osamu regrets having moved as soon as he does. What if he woke up now, would he be able to kick him? It wouldn't be the first time. He hesitates for a few seconds, but, deep down, something tells him that the boy next to him is not going to wake up. He knows his normal sleep schedule, and usually scolds him when he hardly sleeps at night. Although Suna has always told him that for some strange reason, he is able to fall asleep much better when he stays there to sleep.  


So Osamu is thankful that he paid a little attention in biology class, because it lets him know certain things. For example, that some people with regular insomnia or difficulty falling asleep are more relaxed and able to rest more easily in what they consider to be a "safe environment". He has theorised hundreds of times about Rin's safe environment, and has wondered on multiple occasions if it will be his house (bigger and cozier than Suna's), if it will be his mother (Rin doesn't see his mother much, and the twins' mother is a constant presence of motherly love for anyone who enters her house), or if it will be how well the stars can be seen from the terrace or from his own room (he knows Sunale loves to look at the stars). But deep down, he knows he'd like to be Rin's source of security.  


(Maybe he is)  


A minute has passed. Rin's body accepts his touch and continues to sleep as if nothing is wrong (calmer this time). Osamu sighs in relief and wonders how familiar the feeling is that he won't wake up.

His skin is cold (which is nothing new) even though the window and door are closed and the temperature is not exactly bad. Sometimes, that kind of thing worries him, and in moments like these, his only thought is to hug him so tightly that-  


Why not try it? If he wakes up, he can always pretend he was moving in his sleep (obviously that wouldn't be a believable lie, and besides, Suna is very good at guessing that sort of thing, but sometimes you need some unfounded comfort to take a leap of faith, and more so considering the many possible outcomes of his action, which he doesn't want to think about right now, but it's a helpful thought, because god, if he were to do something that made Suna uncomfortable and things changed between them, for the worse, he really wouldn't know what to do).  


His hand twitches as Rin shrinks back. Just a few seconds ago, his body was stretched out in a relaxed, sideways pose.But now, the boy is almost in a fetal position and seems to be still asleep, Osamu senses that he must be afraid, but he doesn't know of what. He doesn't know what to do. Wake him up?  
Rin stirs again and this time, Osamu sits up in bed, removing his hand from his hip and devoting his full attention to watching the boy in the dimness of the room. He is crying. He is still sleeping (and Osamu would so much like to eradicate his nightmares) and a tiny amount of tears are sliding down his right cheek. The others must be falling on his pillow, but he couldn't care less. And how certain things cease to matter the moment he sees Suna having a hard time, he lies back down.  


He glues his body to his best friend's (he tries to convey warmth) and puts his hand back on the younger man's waist. His chest is now pressed against Rin's back and for a moment he almost forgets what he's doing (because he feels so at ease right now, realizing that the person of his dreams, who he's lucky enough to have close to him in real life, fits perfectly next to him). He can feel Suna's breathing calming down and matching his own. In order to help, he moves his free hand to his hair and strokes it.  


Can people purr in their sleep?  


He stays in this position for a while, touching the other gently (softly, affectionately), until he feels Rin's legs move. He is breathless for a few moments, until he feels them entwine with his own. He lifts his head and looks down at the boy's sleeping face. He can't help but smile. The worst is over.  
This is the first time this has happened in his presence. He has never seen him so fragile? Rin is only a couple of centimetres taller than him so he'd never imagined he'd see him so small (cowering he looks like a different person, as if he's trying to shield himself from all the evils of the world, and Osamu wonders if all the emotions his poker face hides every day come out when Suna isn't aware).

He rests his head back on the pillow and tightens his grip on her waist as he rests his other hand on Rin's head. It's a good sleeping position.  
He watches their legs entwine (not for the first time, but it feels like it) and senses that things are going to start to change tomorrow.  
And suddenly, sleep takes hold of him again. He had never imagined he could hold Rin so close. It feels good.  


His eyes close and the feeling that they are right where they should be becomes a certainty.  


The stars are visible through the window, but there are no insomniacs looking at them, and for the first time in a long time, it feels good to them.

；

It's an ordinary day in mid-December and Osamu is dying of sleep first thing in the morning. Let's be clear, he is never usually cheerful or excited or energetic (bubbly?) in the morning, but this is different. Tonight he's been conspicuously lacking. Lack of sleep. He starts to worry about all the times he's noticed that Rin doesn't sleep well - does he have to go through this every day? He doesn't even want to think about it. He doesn't think he can think about anything right now.  
He feels like the day is going by on autopilot.  


First hour. Training, fighting with Atsumu over some of the nonsense he says, Suna records them, Gin asks Suna if he can pass the video to him later, he doesn't get to hear Suna's answer because Kita shows up and gives them that "disappointed but not surprised" look, they both apologize and Atsumu puts on a good-natured face. Locker room, change, try not to look at Rin (or not in an obvious way), Akagi looks at him as if he knows exactly what he's thinking, walks to his class with Suna.  


Class. Literature first period. He trusts Rin to pass him the notes (because he always does). He doesn't sleep, too risky. He looks out the window. Looks at Rin. Rin doesn't look back at him because he's too busy writing quickly and that's when Osamu realises that they've put some exercises. And that there's only two minutes left in class.

Autopilot. Lunch is pleasant, Gin, Atsumu, Suna and he go up to the roof. Suna tastes one of the ones he likes so much and begins to genuinely worry that he eats so little. Atsumu complains that his brother hasn't made him lunch and Gin talks about his girlfriend. He doesn't know if they expect him to join in the conversation, but he's not in the mood. Suna scrolls on his phone and occasionally nods or denies the other two's words. Rin's foxy eyes bore into his soul as he lifts his eyes from the screen to tell him that he's being weird today.  


Atsumu nods and Gin seconds. Osamu hums something like I'm tired and the latter two are satisfied.  
Suna, on the other hand, motions for him to move to sit next to him (he's probably too lazy to approach Osamu). When he does, Suna rests his head on Osamu's shoulder and goes back to looking at things on Twitter. Osamu stops breathing for a few seconds. And then the oxygen returns. This is a normal day. From start to finish.  


Osamu thinks.  


There's no practice today since the school administration team needs the gym for a big assembly with the school board and Osamu is grateful at first. Until he hears Atsumu complain bitterly and suggest that they practice at home. Most of the team refuses. Suna walks with them to his house and comments that he is only going to stay on his couch because there is no one at his place.  


In the end they don't practice. Atsumu goes up to his room sometime in the afternoon (he wouldn't be able to say when exactly). Suna has taken a book out of his backpack and has been reading for almost an hour. Osamu strokes his hair from time to time without really thinking about what he's doing and absentmindedly watches a European cooking show.  


Suna stretches after almost two and a half hours of lying down and Osamu could swear he looks like a cat waking up (he'd like to say he looks like a fox but he's never seen foxes waking up, although it sounds like a good Youtube search). He walks Suna to the door and leaves him one of his jackets because he never wears one even though he's cold practically all the time. Osamu stopped wondering why a long time ago. He just enjoys how even though Suna is a couple of centimetres taller than him, his jacket is wide enough to fit him. He offers to walk him home, but he hears Atsumu's cries for him to make dinner and realises he can't.  


Rin raises his lower lip, almost amused by the situation and simply adjusts Osamu's jacket, fisting the leftover fabric from the sleeves to warm himself. He waves goodbye back when he's practically out the door and turns towards the street.  


Osamu thinks a lot about Suna as soon as he sees him disappear. That night he does sleep.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝

；

Osamu has been thinking about true love all morning and he can' t say why.  


It could be because yesterday at dinner, he had to watch one of those cheesy movies that Atsumu and his mother love (and it didn't end well), maybe it's because the literature class consisted of reading and studying love haikus (and Rin seemed to know a lot about it) or simply the fact that when he entered his classroom, the image of his boyfriend with most of his hair tied back (there are some rebel locks that continue to frame his face and eyes) was the first thing he saw.  


He's not really sure, and it may actually be a mixture of all these circumstances, but something stirs inside him when Suna recites aloud, at the teacher's prompting.  


"Blind love,  
another wish of yours,  
for sight."  


And his voice is monotonous, as always. But he' s been hearing that voice for a long time, so he can tell without a doubt that he's trying hard to give the poem its proper intonation.  


This is not the first time Osamu has heard this composition. Rin sometimes recites it while reading or when they're walking home (and Atsumu goes ahead, which happens quite often lately), and it's not loud enough to be heard so Osamu senses it's like a secret, an unspoken agreement between Rin and the non-existent audience he's addressing, reciting those words (which now that he hears clearly and loudly, makes his pulse quicken). Perhaps he simply likes that haiku.  


Maths becomes an anxious hour that day. Normally he likes operations and so on, it's almost like following a recipe. Step by step. It's easy to remember formulas. And then apply them, you start the problem and you can unroll it and develop it. Break it into little pieces, into little bits that you can then put back together again very easily to get a glimpse of the end result (plating). But with his mind wandering about lyrical love, he prefers to skip the class for the most part, and to devote himself to the homework from the previous class. Writing a haiku.  


Spoiler. He doesn't succeed. The words pile up on the sheet of paper he's been mistreating since the beginning of class, but he can't manage to put them in order (fox, eyes, gold, green, moon, sun, firefly, illuminates, sunset, sea, life, onigiris, grey, love).

In the end, he finishes by watching Rin chew on the mechanical pencil, probably annoyed that the results in his notebook don't match those in the book. Osamu chuckles softly, trying not to let Rin hear him, but the boy turns to scowl at him. He's about to offer his help when the doorbell rings.  
Suna's frown continues to try to merge with his eyes, and since Osamu is the one at fault (he may, and just may, have had a bit of a laugh at him and his maths skills), he decides to be the one to sort it out too. By the time they get to the rooftop, Gin and Atsumu are already there, and Osamu runs off in the direction of the canteen to get chuupets.  


True love. Jelly sticks. Will they have anything to do with it? He's not sure.  


(He hopes so.)  


； 

Today's practice is like any other day. But it goes by slowly and it's as if Osamu isn't really there.

(In fact, he is not. His mind flies back to the film he saw the night before and one of the dialogues from the final scenes.)

"- I love you. I've loved you ever since I've seen you. At first as a comrade. Then as a friend, then as a best friend. Finally, as a lover. And now, I don't know. I still love you. But not in the same way. I feel I could love you more, but I'm also certain that I can't do it.

\- True love... Do you remember when we talked about it? I'm not sure I ever acknowledged it with you.

\- I guess we feel the same way about it.  


\- So, what now?"  


Exactly. What now?

𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐈'𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞  
𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝

；

Osamu wonders if the same thing might happen to him(s). Is he too young to recognise that? Is a teenage relationship inevitably doomed to fail? What about-?  


Boom. A volleyball just hit Suna in the face. The first thing he checks is that he didn't throw it (he sees Akagi running towards her boyfriend, apologising in a way that's probably a mixture of real regret and "please, you have pictures of my worst moments and darkest secrets, don't make them public, I didn't mean to"), and then he runs from across the gym towards the boy, who slowly goes from lying on the floor and semi-conscious to lifting his torso and propping himself up on his forearms.  
As soon as he reaches him, the first thing he does is shake his hand and gently caress it.  


\- Rin, are you all right, do you need ice, rest?  


His boy rolls his eyes at his first questions, but the mention of rest makes him close them, probably thinking how nice it would be to go to the shower first and sit quietly and wait for the end of practice.  


Kita-san dissolves the small crowd of players that has formed around them and indicates to Suna that he can leave early. He nods and squeezes Osamu's hand, in a gesture that means something like "help me up".  


When they're both at the same height (which is never the same, he's grown a bit this year, but Rin is still an inch or so taller), Suna shakes his hand again and urges him to walk him to the door of the changing rooms. Osamu raises his right eyebrow in amusement and confusion, normally the hand-holding is occasional (very occasional, he doesn't know if it's because his boyfriend is embarrassed or because of his slight aversion to constant physical contact over time). Rin looks at him and looks like he' s about to mumble a response but finally turns his face away and ends up staring at the floor as if it's the most interesting thing in the world (Osamu would bet a week's worth of pudding that he's blushing).  


Osamu doesn't break the link between their fingers, and waits for a reaction from his boy. The rest of the team are back at practice and don't seem to want to meddle in their business (minus Atsumu, who finds himself ogling them a little too obviously, but hey, Atsumu is Atsumu, and an idiot who stops eye-stalking them at the first shout from Kita-san).  


Finally, Suna squeezes Osamu's hand again and it all makes sense.  


It's something like "actually the blow wasn't that painful but I'm exhausted and I'm going to rest, I don't feel like anything, can you hold my hand a little longer?"  
A little more?

(Forever)  


When Osamu returns to practice, the first thing he is hit with is a ball (which he manages to dodge, thankfully, but Gin is not so lucky) from his brother who comes up to him shouting things like "lovebirds", "yuck, yuck" and "you haven't done anything shady have you".  
It all ends when Aran hits a shot hard enough for the ball to bounce into the stands. Everyone (Atsumu) shuts up and gets back to business.  
Focus. Volleyball.  


He decides to ask Kita-san because Kita-san always has an answer for everything. Even if it's not the right one (which it is in 99'9% of the cases), it's always a logical and reasonable answer.  


(And the doubt eats away at him, because isn't he too young to think about it?)

As fate would have it, he ends up folding the nets, inside the warehouse, with Kita. The rest of the team is already in the showers, and Suna has claimed a while ago that he is waiting for them outside the gym.  


\- Kita-san?  


Osamu watches the older one turn to face him, and for a moment he's about to back away. (He doesn't, thankfully.)  


\- What do you need Osamu?  


The calm (and familiar robotic tone) of his voice reminds him why he comes to him in the first place.  


\- I'd like to ask you a question. It's a bit of a personal matter, so I'd rather wait until I can talk to you more calmly.  


Kita nods, taking in his words. He finishes folding the last of the nets and turns his full attention to the second-year student.  


\- Tell me.  


-Well. I don't know if you have experience in dating, love or, I don't know, these things. But I think you're the only person I can go to who can give me real help instead of teasing. And I know maybe I'm too young to think this and maybe I'm throwing myself in front of the train, but....  


His voice becomes almost a whisper at the end of the sentence, and he feels Kita's hand resting on his shoulder. Suddenly, the fear is gone and he doesn't remember what he was so afraid of in the first place.Her heart skips a beat, relief, and he feels how to eat the last onigiri in front of her brother, how to hear Rin's (soft) laugh, how to get the second highest grade in the class, how to finish off a difficult toss.  


\- Don't worry. I'm not going to judge you. Tell me Osamu, what do you want to ask me?  


\- Kita-san... How do you recognise true love?

Kita remains silent for a few seconds, seconds that become minutes, minutes that become hours, hours that become days, days in Osamu's imagination where everything goes faster.  


His senior's eyebrows relax as a delicate smile creeps across his face. He already has an answer.  


\- I don't think it's possible.  


Osamu almost falls to the floor. Normally, he would try to parse the wisdom intrinsic in Kita's words but he doesn't know if he'd be able to do that now instead of shouting.  
Fortunately, before he can make a fool of himself, Kita opens his mouth again, and continues speaking.  


\- True love should last for a long time. A lifetime would be ideal, but how can you know it's true? Of course it's impossible at first. To recognise, moreover, alludes to differentiating something by predetermined characteristics that you've seen before. Does the love of your life have to resemble in some way everything you've ever known? I don't think so, honestly, I'd have a hard time getting my head around it. Conclusion? You can only "recognise" (let's use your terms) the love of your life, the true love, after a lifetime. There is no point in asking this question now. You literally have your whole life to find out.  


Osamu nods. And thinks.  


In the end, he ends up being the last one out of the showers, and his heart skips a beat (even bigger than it did a few minutes ago) when he sees Rin, asleep, but waiting for him at the door.  


；

A lot happens on the way home. Osamu reflects and listens to Rin talk quietly about love haikus and his creative block. He nods at that last part, it's familiar.  
He walks Suna to the door of her house, and when their hands part again.... (He understands)  


(It's like a revelation he already knew, like a part of the stage, never before illuminated, unnoticed and now brought into focus by the biggest of spotlights).  


He returns home with the taste of Rin on his lips and a few close-ups of his eyeliner eyes saved forever on his memory reel.  
His mobile phone almost explodes, full of calls and messages from his brother, who complains of hunger.  


That same night, he writes a haiku.  
The first, and probably the last.

"A single kiss  
filled all space  
and our time "

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed the reading !
> 
> this is the first part of a three-part series, the remaining parts will be published soon.
> 
> i should point out that english is not my first language, so i may have made mistakes in my writing. if you point out any, i will correct them as soon as i can. i also clarify that the haikus do not belong to me, i have translated them from a book of poems.
> 
> don't doubt to comment what you thought, i'd love to read it


End file.
